Soul Rest

There was a time when rest had become something of a luxury for me. I've always been a rather restless person always needing to be doing something, solving a problem, reading a book, never just still. And complete stillness is still very hard for me.

As a child I and into my twenties I struggled with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). To be still was an invitation for the obsessions and compulsions to take over. It was a nescessity to keep my mind occupied at all times.

In my late twenties we finally found a medication that finally worked and I found myself free of most of my OCD symptoms. But the restlessness has persisted. Old habits die hard. And to be completely still results in a creeping feeling of unease. Then I realize I am waiting for the old thoughts and feelings to come back. And remembering them very nearly brings them back. So the cycle begins again as I seek to busy my mind.

I am learning to take very small periods of rest, of complete quietness, and then build on the success of these small rests. A small space of quiet sometimes goes a long way.

I am also learning that sometimes, rest, for me is simply knowing and accepting that Jesus loves me. It is a deep soul consciousness of His ability to hold and keep me regardless of the restlessness in my mind. He is bigger than Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

And therein lies rest.



I am joining the conversation about rest with others at Faith Barista.